No Room at the Tree

Sunday I posted on Facebook that a planned shopping trip to a local store turned out to be much more than I had anticipated. What I thought was so clearly a rhetorical question placed in a frantically typed social media post, turned out to be an invitation for many well intended and good hearted people to give advice on how I should deal with a difficult situation—a “major first”. The “first” being my first Christmas without my boy. It wasn’t … Read More

Will my pain ever go away?

The pain doesn’t go away, ever. It will lessen a little sometimes and once in a while it will come back in a big tidal wave. I think, as the years pass, the tidal waves become farther apart. Unlike in the beginning, it’s a constant tsunami. Roxanne Noddin Mother of Jacob

How can I tell my friends and family to support me?

Everyone’s needs are different. I wanted people around me all the time, but there were times I just wanted them to all go away. I didn’t want the hugs and looks and words of sympathy, but I would have felt hurt if no one showed they cared. I guess, just quietly, be there. Just know that I won’t have a melt-down if you mention his name. I actually enjoy hearing stories of him. Even if they are the same ones … Read More

What helped you the most in your hardest moment of grief?

Talking with others who had lost a child. Just connecting with people who’ve been through the same road of grief. When they validate your own feelings. Hundreds of cards and letters and words of support came from members of our community, friends, strangers, and even folks from across the globe. Knowing so many people cared and were standing beside us, gave us an overwhelming feeling of support which helped us get through the hardest time in our lives. Roxanne Noddin … Read More

From one grieving parent to another

You will always grieve to some extent for your lost child. You will always remember your baby and wish beyond wishes that you could smell her smell or hold his weight in your arms. But as time goes on, this wishing will no longer deplete you of the will to live your own life. Horchler and Morris 1994, 158